Tuesday, January 27, 2009
So He started dating, worse yet its with one of my friends that he had to lie about and hid from me. This girl had the nerve to say she wants to get closer to me, since she's gonna be in our life...By Our I mean Mine and Adrianna's...................Oh I flipped out. It wouldv'e been differnt if they wouldn't of snook around, and would've had some respect and came to me first. Its not that they needed my permission, Just out of respect, She knows how I feel about trevor and how things are with us. Of course it hurt me, But what hurts the most is he is taking our kid around her kid after 3 days of knowing eachother. Bullshit! Its like everything is crashing in around me... Like God has something against me, I know I'm not perfect, I know I make and have made mistakes, But I deserve happiness. I deserve to be loved, I deserve for something to go right for me. I just feel like such a failure for my daughter, Like I cant do it. If it weren't for her I wouldnt be writting this. I have never cried more, nver beeen so afraid of tomorrow. But seing her face makes it easier, makes it all alittle less lonely.
Friday, January 23, 2009
So. Wow Its been along time since I have done anything with my Blog, I always feel so busy and no time to just sit down and put everything into words...Well perhaps if I do put it all into words I will breakdown and cry. But I'm still Single Mom, I live with MY Bestie Randi Bezzant, and my daughter 3-4 days out of the week. I recently quit my job and I am starting to work on the phones again. Not the greatest but its gonna cut down on daycare and save me money which i really need right now haaha. I haven't really put myself out there as far as Meeting new guys, Its weird. Men see baby, and they think one of two things, Run for your life, or ohhh She's easy. So its really unfair I think, But life is unfair. And I still dont think I'm ready for a new relationship. I dont want to be with him, But I still have to get over him and heal from all the damage he has caused and I have caused myself. Adrianna is now 15months old and is a terror and wonder! She walks and talks all over the place and has this awesome bratty attitude ahahaha, Its been so amazing to be a Mom, Hard as hell but really fun. She makes me laugh on an hourly basis. She can carry full on conversations with no body, and its so funny~! Well I'll live to vent another day.....